Some crazy cliff: Why times like these need people exactly like you

“And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.”
(J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye)

Audra is a friend of mine (in real life, but not her real name) who needs you. She’s retired, active in the community, and intelligent, but spends most days coping with a soul-depression that’s almost completely crippling. Just what is the point? she whispers to me over her coffee cup.

There’s also Marcus, who’s trying to run a small woodworking business, teaching people how to build their own soulful, beautiful objects. He needs you too. He’s a gentle man, but is so angry and scared so much of the time that he’s frightening away potential students with some of the things that come out of his mouth.

And then there’s my former co-worker Kim, who was always everyone’s favorite refreshingly free spirit, the gauzy-dress-eagle-feather type. She feels completely lost in her own life, as though she doesn’t even know herself anymore. She sits in front of the TV every evening with haunted eyes, unable to pull them away from what’s unfolding on CNN.

These are people who all suffer from the same affliction: Being alive in these confusing, frightening, frustrating times.

For just a mindful moment—then we’ll wash it clean with a deep breath together—let’s take a 1000-foot view of the times we live in right now. We see things like mass killings. Incomprehensible hatred. Incontrovertible scientific data shows our climate adjusting to human activity in ways that, far sooner than predicted, is going to make it very difficult for all manner of living things. Toxic buildup in our air/land/water is suspected of causing insidious disease and even mental illness. Slow-moving social and environmental catastrophes beget poverty and violence and desperate migration. We grow thick skins and huddle together in polarized social tribes.

Let’s not even talk about Twitter.

Okay. Breathe now.
Close your eyes, take in a deep breath to a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, then slowly release it for a count of 8. Be here with me again.


Most of us in this community are sensitive people. We don’t just see all of this, we feel it in our spines, our shoulders, our solar plexus. When we allow ourselves, it all feels so heavy and dark.

Strangely, wondrously, I have one singular thought every morning when I pull on my bunny slippers: Thank heavens for all of you.

In this troubled world, those of us who work for ourselves in helping professions are like a human chain on the edge of J.D. Salinger’s crazy cliff. Our hands are linked tightly, one to the next, to help keep as many good people as possible from falling off the edge.

We try to be brave, and try not to peek at the drop-off behind us.

We are coaches (of businesses and lives). Consultants sharing what we’ve learned. Healing practitioners of all kinds. Authors. Guides. Specialists in alternative healthcare. Counselors. Journal/poetry therapists. Teachers of writing, yoga, art, music, dance. Creators of beauty. All of us, creating work that solves one small piece of a larger life-puzzle or, more likely, just helps people stay on their feet, and stay clear and loving and healthy.

People like us—people who help other people—matter more than they ever have in human history. The stakes now are astronomically high.

If you’ve never thought of your work in this way, let me assure you this is true:

  • Maybe you’re helping people navigate their difficult life-transitions in ways that are strengthening and freeing. In addition to life’s normal burdens, coming to grips with the mess we’re in and adapting to it is a huge transition.
  • It could be you’re working with kids, helping them be calm, think critically and be more self aware, so they know where the cliffs are and how to avoid them. (The strong, thoughtful children of this generation are largely going to be the people creating innovative solutions to the problems created by the last generation…)
  • Maybe you’re teaching people to see through the games played by the “food industry” to make better choices about what they put in their body. Pills and surgeries avoided. Bankruptcies due to health catastrophes averted. Lives bettered.
  • If you’re helping people to create livelihoods/businesses, you’re helping them be more resilient and giving them a reason to keep going even on the bad-news days.
  • Body workers and energy healers of all kinds are helping all of us draw on our body wisdom, our inner resources and strengths, to just keep going forward and doing what we can.
  • Or you may just be creating your art—or living your life—in ways that refuse to dabble in the petty, the divisive, and the sensational, and you’re sharing that with others. They see. And in that way, they know there’s an alternative to the noise and the silos we’ve created.

 If there’s one thing I could tell you to send you into the coming week, it’s this: We’re all in a uniquely powerful position, not necessarily to save the world (though that’s still possible) but to change the experience of the people who are in it, so they have the perseverance to live their lives with more grace, grit, and resilience.

We may or may not have the power to turn back the clock and return to a time when our gut doesn’t clench each time the news is on.

But we all have the power to look at our work as resilience-building—helping good humans everywhere to become smarter, saner, healthier, and prepared mentally and physically for whatever comes next.

Blessings to all of you, for all that you do. Have a great week.


Rock in river life balance

What’s your rock in the river? Prioritizing work and life the right way.

It took a long time to get my second college degree.

I looked forward to the start of every semester. The day the new term’s class schedule came out was like a high holy day. What new & interesting things would be offered?  What piece(s) of my degree puzzle could I snap into place, moving me closer to graduation?

And this is what it looked like:

First, I’d look at my work calendar, with big parts of the day blocked for “work”…mornings for people, mid afternoons for tech, etc.

Then, I’d look at the schedule of classes I wanted or needed to take, and see which ones fit into the empty spaces on my calendar.

My work calendar—with its prime daytime hours blocked out, though there were no clients assigned to them yet—was the rock in the river, immovable and sacrosanct.  My education, my growth, and the writing projects I was just wildly crazy about? They all had to flow around it.

My friend Cate was also self-employed. She had a health condition that was greatly helped by regular movement, so she looked forward to the quarterly class schedule from the local recreation center. She hoped every time that they’d offer the right kind of fitness class at a time when she felt she’d be available to take it…between her work, the kids’ soccer practice, nonprofit board meetings, etc. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t.

Like mine, her established pattern of work—the thing coach Charlie Gilkey refers to as “economic work”—was the rock in the river, and even life-altering self-care had to bend and flow around it, so she could be available for everyone, convenient to THEIR schedule.

Do you do this too, as my friend and I did?

Old journals from my closet show a typical frustration with things I wished I could do, but felt I couldn’t, because of the economic work what-ifs. What if the perfect client came along, but I had to tell them their availability doesn’t match mine?  What if my friend’s family got mad at her for putting them in charge of dinner?

Spin the dial to late 2019, and the question is different: What if we all flipped this—not a little, but a lot?

What if we make Life the rock in the river, and find a way to make Work flow around it?

Our work matters. But it’s just one aspect of a much bigger picture. It’s our duty to keep it in the proper perspective, even if you love it with all your heart, even if it’s the way you keep going financially. You have to trust me on this: There are ways to do this, adjustments to make, that will let you have it all.

It’s a work in progress for me, but here are some bite-sized ways I started doing more of it, and they’re things you can try no matter what your circumstances are:

1) If you don’t have a scheduler (paper or electronic) or if you resist it, get one.

Most people I know who are lax about scheduling, not wanting to feel closed in,  are the very same ones who never quite get around to the things that really light them up. A scheduler lets you create space for everything that’s important to you, and create flexible blocks for “anything goes” as well. Try it.

2) Figure out one to three things you crave more of.

No-shit exercise dates with yourself. Regular massage or bodywork to keep your body happy. A weekly walking/coffee (or walking+coffee) date with someone who lifts you up. Put them in writing, and keep them sacred.

3) Look around at the things you do because you’ve always done them.

Maybe you’ve left big swaths of choice daily time real estate open for others. Been the sole grocery-shopper or laundry-doer? Attended a networking meeting even though you’re not finding your perfect clients there? Volunteered for various duties so you’ll feel like a good person?

Keeping in mind the craving above, compare it side-by-side to these things, and choose. Would you risk a pouty family member in order to feel like a million bucks?  Give up/change up a volunteer gig to make room for a dream you have?

4) Trying sinking one rock in the river of your life.

It might be a class you will NOT let yourself miss. A block every morning for self-maintenance. A four-hour block every week to work on your book.  An hour with your aging mom.

Make everything else flow around it. Everything. That means no client appointments no matter how much you like them, or if they say it’s the only time they can come (often, these are people who have prioritized their own lives over work, thus their time scarcity). No projects that suddenly come up. No saying “yes” to someone else’s non-critical needs.

The rock stays, the rest flows.

5) Stick with it for at least a month, no cheating.

Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion except your own. How did it go?

Add another rock, or trade it for something with an even bigger bang for your buck.


With a heart like yours, putting yourself first is the best way to serve.

You have a finite number of minutes on this planet, and if you learn to use them right, you can have both a magnificent life AND help those who need you most. Believe it.






calm marketing for introverts

Marketing for the introverted, the quiet, or the thoughtful

When folks see me on video conferences or workshops, they often assume I’m an extrovert. That’s far from the truth. Away from the public eye, I prefer to be alone, deep into a book about Pablo Neruda, in the garden harassing the weeds, or out in the woods with my cheek pressed against a ponderosa pine. (Did you know they smell like vanilla?)

I know and love many clients who are also introverted. Our way of living can be tough when it comes to marketing our businesses. For many of us, marketing feels exhausting, risky, and exposed…and most of the methods advocated today feel artificial and fake.

So let’s talk a bit about how to do this important work in an honest, introvert-friendly way:

0) Figure out how you’ll recharge from any outreach efforts you decide to do.

The wonderful business coach George Kao often pre-schedules in naps/rests between certain tasks because he knows they’ll be tiring for him. He gets a reset before moving on to something else. The first time I heard this, I saw two thoughts flash quickly through my body: 1) holy cow, who has time for naps? and 2) I should just be strong enough to do this without needing a rest afterwards.

I was so wrong on both counts. Marketing-ish tasks can be incredibly taxing for introverts. We reach out our arms and say, “Here I am, here’s how I can help,” and hold our breath to see how many walk toward us, how many walk away. Draining.

Step zero is allowing that: This is hard for people like us. It’s okay.  Give it the importance it deserves, and physically carve out time for it, just as you would for a loved one who needed you.  Find a handful of actions you can take to recharge—this is going to be very personal: Napping, meditation, cooking, running around with the dog, picking up a book for a half-hour, shoveling snow, planting crocuses…I have 15-minute recharges and 30-minute/60-minute as well.

Find yours, and schedule them in like George does. I promise you will not regret this.

1. Reach out to your people, and don’t worry as much about the others.

A lot of you reading this have worked with me to identify the people who are the best fit for you and your work. When you’ve identified the person or people you most want to serve, you’ll start to notice that some clients and readers will be closer to the mark than others. In fact, there will always be people who don’t get us, and that can create an inner nag: What if they don’t understand? What if they’re not into my work? Should I be trying to “win them over”?

The answers, in order, are “that’s okay,” “that too is okay,” and “no.”  We’re conditioned by the media to shape ourselves so we’re the right choice for everyone. In marketing, this IS important if you want to be one of those people with a gazillion casual fans you need to corral to fund your next Lamborghini…you must bend the rules of integrity to reach them all. But for most of us, that’s just not the case. We want to do solid work, make a difference, reach the people we’re uniquely suited to serve, and make a nice livelihood from it.

So write to your people. Create products and services for them. Reach out to them and make friends. Devote 90% of your energy to those who are in your perfect circle. Is it hard to leave the others to their own devices and focus on your tribe?  Sure. We’re sensitive, caring people. But it’s worth it on every level.

2. Use “scheduling by energy” as your superpower.

There’s a certain amount of public connection that has to happen to stay in touch with your proper folks and be part of their lives. Yet, if people like us spend a ton of time on social media or publishing posts or what have you, it can suck the energy out of us so fast it makes our heads spin.

I don’t know about all of you, but I pay attention to the ebb and flow of high-energy and low-energy times. In the latter, any writing or sharing or being in contact feels like a forced march, exhausting rather than energizing. Instead, I use the high-energy, high-creativity times to produce and pre-schedule things, even if I have to wipe my calendar to take advantage of a sudden crackle of energy.

For example, this article was written during a high-energy burst, along with two others, a Facebook post, and the first draft of a newsletter. I DID have to postpone a planned lunch to the next day and watch the recording of a workshop instead of being there live. But it was a more than positive trade-off.

You can schedule posts in WordPress and social media to release on the date you’d like them to publish (I know…this is a “pay no attention to that wo/man behind the curtain” moment…)  Exception: On my Sunday Coffee newsletters, I do make sure I’m with them on the Sunday they’re sent, otherwise it wouldn’t be coffee, would it? I need to make sure each one goes out with a certain number of coffee molecules or it’s doesn’t count.

In a high-energy moment right now and feeling creative? Cancel whatever’s coming up in the next couple of hours, even if it’s not socially/politically correct, and seize it for the work you love.

3. Embrace the beautiful, dangerous power of being completely yourself.

People who read me know that I’ve been doing this more and more as the years pass. I simply don’t have the time or energy any more to edit my Self to  be the pinnacle of mainstream professionalism. I am me, writing from the yellow room, the dog on my feet, and a disturbing lack of lipstick. For the wrong people, this will be uncomfortable. But for others, it gives them a sigh of relief, because they know I’m just me-the-person, not me-the-lofty-expert or me-who-all-should-aspire-to-be.

So my people and I just talk. And become more like friends (or don’t). We learn from each other, in a climate of relaxed candor. And all of our businesses grow.

Dare to share more of yourself. Not every teensy detail, and not constantly; our communications should always be more about “them” then “us.”  But do try to trust that you can be daringly you in your communications, in a genuine and unpracticed way, and the right people will be more likely to gravitate to you.

4. Know your three stories and practice sharing/writing/saying them.

In my post Do you know the three stories crucial to successfully growing your business? I talk about our three core stories: Your client’s, yours, and the story that you create together and that radiates out from your relationship with them. One of the things I do to make my internal stories external is practicing these until they flow out of my mouth as naturally as my own name.

Practicing these stories, like practicing a new language, makes it all flow more naturally. It is—I believe—a way we can more easily move through life as introverts. If we don’t have to complex over talking about ourselves, struggle to remember “the right things to say,” it’s a friction point we’ve avoided. This frees us up to be present and calm and use those brain cells for something a lot more useful.

I do this by building my personal story practice into work processes as much as I can. I have a little calendar reminder to revisit/review any public places I tell people about myself, like my bio pages on websites and social media. I write about my priorities and intentions before I have any coaching sessions or workshops. I have a close inner circle that I trust to give me feedback on it all as well. Practice makes personal.

5. Carefully choose the modes of outreach where you “extrovert,” and keep their number as small as you like.

Do you do well at writing, but cringe at public speaking?  Are you better at in-person work than work with online strangers?  Do you hate Facebook, but like the visual nature of Instagram?  Does the thought of being on video make you freak out?

News flash: You DON’T have to force yourself to do them all. It is not fatal to not be an expert at everything. Your business can be perfectly healthy if you just pick one or two ways to reach out and are very consistent with it. You can choose the one or two activities (such as writing a monthly newsletter and giving a weekly talk) that most closely match how you want to interact with the world. You can be warm and kind and helpful there, and become stronger and more confident. You may not get that Lamborghini, but you will be less stressed and likely much more effective as a result.

And, fringe benefit?  It’s likely that, as you become more adept and practiced being in those one or two areas, you will be called to push your boundaries a little bit and try another mode or channel (such as writing Medium articles, or easy Facebook outreach) just to keep your growing edge, er, growing.

In short, it doesn’t have to be hard.

You can rest when you’re tired, work with your energy, be yourself, practice your stories, and carefully focus your time online…and still feel needed, seen, and successful. Running a business as an introvert doesn’t mean we need to get used to exhaustion, risk, and icky feelings.

We just need to do things our way.




The art and science of capturing and caring for your free-range ideas

When you work for yourself, ideas are the life blood of your business. We need to keep on learning, keep on growing, and keep on aligning our work with the life we want for ourselves. A steady flow of ideas and inspiration allows all of that to happen.

We all find ourselves with inspiration and ideas popping up in weird or inconvenient places. At the grocery store, you might see a particular color combination that makes you think, “Hm. That is really vibrant…I wonder what my website would look like if I shifted from blues and grays to that…”   You might be on an online workshop and suddenly have a brilliant idea about a new thing to offer your own people. Or suddenly, on a walk, you get a blinding inspiration about a solution to a stuckness you’ve been suffering.

The tragic thing would be to just think, “That is SO amazingly great! There’s no way I’ll forget it” and not bother to capture it in some way.

What can happen if you don’t graciously capture ideas and give them a job?

Here’s the right-brain version, from Elizabeth Gilbert (Big Magic):

“When an idea thinks it has found somebody—say, you—who might be able to bring it into the world, (it) will pay you a visit. It will try to get your attention. Mostly, you will not notice. This is likely because you’re so consumed by your own dramas, anxieties, distractions, insecurities, and duties that you aren’t receptive to inspiration.

You might miss the signal because you’re watching TV, or shopping, or brooding over how angry you are at somebody, or pondering your failures and mistakes, or just generally really busy. The idea will try to wave you down (perhaps for a few moments . . . perhaps even for a few years), but when it finally realizes that you’re oblivious to its message, it will move on to someone else.”

And here’s the left-brain version, from no-nonsense David Allen (author of the groundbreaking book Getting Things Done), who talks about the brain’s logic in these terms:

“Look, I’m only going to give you as many ideas as you can effectively use. If you’re not using them or collecting them in some trusted way, I won’t give you that many. But if you are actually doing something with them, then here, have a bunch!”

Welcome in ideas and treat them well, and they’ll keep coming. There are many possible aspects to idea care—capturing, ways to organize and store them, scheduling ‘idea dates’ to return to them, etc.—and I cover a lot of them in Week 4 of my fun workshop Organize Your Digital ‘Stuff’ Once and For All, starting up again in January 2020. But in the meantime, I wanted to share the tools I use to capture ideas.

I recommend having having two capture tools at your disposal all the time: A digital one and a manual one (your preference)

Why two?

An analog or manual way to capture ideas is handy and portable and doesn’t require electricity or a wireless signal OR the need to have your mobile device around, bleating at you 24/7. Remember a pen.

A digital way to capture them frees you from having to retype them, will probably have dictation abilities, outsmarts your (ahem) illegible handwriting, and often syncs across devices so you can reach your idea from multiple places (such as your mobile device AND Google Drive AND your laptop computer).

Whatever it is, make sure something is available to you all the time. Ideas don’t follow the rules – they show up whenever they feel like it.

Popular Tools: Analog/Manual

Manual tools are my favorite capture methods. Many people find that, when note-taking digitally, they’re engaging their logical/rational brain rather than their creative brain. If you’re like that, consider something analog:

● Your hand or arm, in a pinch
● A Moleskine or similar journal/planner with a pocket with or without
● A Bullet Journal
● A Passion Planner
● A Panda Planner (even though it’s not perfect for capturing ideas, I still think it looks groovy…there’s even an entrepreneur version)
● Grid paper or legal pads and nice pens. You deserve nice pens.
● A little portable whiteboard
● My favorite, the giant Post-It® pads 🙂
● Magic Whiteboard wall-clinging film (expensive but a roll lasts me for years)
● Brightly colored Post-It notes

(NOTE: With all manual methods, it’s important to have a system for transferring it to a mode where it can be permanently captured, be electronically searchable, and will have a chance at being implemented.)

I try never to let the week end without doing something more permanent with my paper notes. Even leaving them in a notebook may require you to go back and turn lots of pages to find them…and if it’s hard to re-find an idea, its chances of thriving are slimmer.

Favorite Tools: Simple Digital Capture

Emailing Yourself:

Don’t discount the simplest of solutions: Sending yourself an email. Most email apps on mobile devices allow voice dictation, making this a quick-and-easy thing even if you don’t have any of the following.

Talk to Yourself (Voice Capture):

Record yourself talking through your idea/thoughts and either transcribe it yourself, or if it’s long, having a Fiverr contractor transcribe it for you for as little as $5.

On Mac computers, try using the QuickTime app or iScream app or voice dictation on Microsoft Word

On Windows computers, try Voice Recorder –

On mobile devices, the possibilities for dictation/text-to-speech apps are countless.  Try these suggestions for Android and iPhone respectively:

Notepad Apps for Mobile Devices

Both iOS (Apple) and Android devices have some sort of notetaking app installed by default.  Look for Notes (Apple)  or Notepad (Android)  respectively.

If you’re curious about a certain note-taking option and want to see a comprehensive grid of options, what they’re compatible with, and what they do, check out this grid (I won’t paste it here…it’ll give us both brain damage):

Google Keep and Pocket

These are both little tools that help people save interesting articles, videos and more from the web for later consumption. Once saved to either one, links to the content are available on any device — phone, tablet or computer. They’re compatible with most devices and Mac/Windows.

While not technically idea capture tools, I include them here because I’ve used them to capture and annotate things on the web that I can then “riff” on or take to other creative places in my own mind.  More info: and

Favorite Tools: More Capable Digital Capture


Cost: Free
Available for: Almost every computer and mobile phone
Usefulness: Limited but good for basic notes
Best parts: Free. VERY minimalist, so almost zero learning curve.
Downsides:  Er, very minimalist. No text formatting tools, no security, no organization tools like notebooks to organize notes into.
Learn more:

Apple Notes

Cost: Free
Available for: Mac OS X and iOS (Apple) devices
Usefulness: Good
Best parts: Free. Good tools for formatting, organization, locking notes, drawing tools, synching with the cloud, and you can use Siri to tell it what to do  🙂
Learn more:


Cost: Free for a basic version or $7.99/month for more features
Available for: Almost every computer and mobile phone
Usefulness: Excellent
Best parts: Notebooks to organize your notes, syncs to other devices, formatting, images, attachments, captures handwriting, audio recordings, reminders, more
Downsides: A bit of a learning curve because of all the features but there are good basic how-to videos online
Learn more:

Microsoft OneNote

Cost: Free with OneDrive  (5GB of storage is free, then it costs)
Available for: Almost every computer and mobile phone
Usefulness: Excellent
Best parts: Notebooks to organize your notes, syncs to other devices, formatting, images, attachments, captures handwriting, audio recordings, reminders, more
Downsides: A bit of a learning curve because of all the features but there are good basic how-to videos online
Learn more:

Want to compare Evernote and OneNote to see which is better for you? Here’s a comprehensive review

Special situations

At night, when camping, in a dark Alamo Drafthouse theater:

I still keep a notepad nearby, with a light-up pen. Because you never know what inspiration may come in those darker spaces…and flashing around your mobile phone during a movie is just inconsiderate.

Search “light-up pen” on or see these dual-color light ones

While driving:

I never try to capture anything while I’m driving a vehicle hurtling through space…even voice-to-text requires some divided concentration and I don’t recommend it. But I do keep my mobile phone handy (and my notebook) and look for the next possible opportunity to pull over and grab them.

On a hike or walk or stroll through the museum

I carry my mobile phone and use voice dictation while walking, if it’s that kind of walk. (There are also more mindful walks where I just leave it at home and carry my smallest notebook and pen.)

In the shower or tub (really!)

If you find you’re having great ideas there, don’t despair! Check out a waterproof whiteboard like this one or waterproof notepad & pencil  like this one

There is a whole system I teach in this segment of my workshop Organize Your Digital ‘Stuff’ Once and For All, and I think if you want to start 2020 fresh without all the digital clutter, it’s a fun way to do it.

But no matter what: Your ideas are so very, very important.

Begin taking more tender care of them, and you’ll be amazed at how your business grows.

Do you know the three stories crucial to successfully growing your business?

There are three stories that drive my whole business. Every part of it, from website content, to the classes I offer, all the way to organizing my computer and even remembering to do my accounting (seriously!) hinges on these three stories.

Over my 20 years of doing this, I’ve noticed that the people who’ve taken time to articulate these stories—even just in their journals—tend to steadily grow, stay on track, and suffer less frustration in their working lives. Below are these three stories, and I’ll put the most important one first.

Can you relate? (Want to practice? Email me your stories, or lack of them, because I am a story nerd and love to talk about it 🙂

The first:
Knowing the story of the person out there we’ve shown up to help…and who we’re uniquely ABLE to help.

The person who most needs what you offer has a story. S/he’s on a particular quest—whether it’s articulated like that or not—and knowing what it IS is the first step toward being able to establish a warm relationship with her.

I’ll tell you how I feel about my own, as an example to jump off from.

She’s always with me.

She’s had the guts to decide to work for herself rather than work for others. She’s not just after the benefits of self-employment: Creative expression, self-determination, autonomy, flexibility, income etc. She also craves the chance to shape her business to the needs of a higher purpose, bigger than just boosting the bottom line of a big organization with her skills and gifts.

Of course, she’s bumped up against all the obstacles we’ve faced too: It’s hard work to get started. It’s not easy getting a steady stream of clients. Marketing can be a mystery. Everyone wants to sell you some expensive miracle cure for whatever ails your business. Suddenly, 24 hours is too few to pull off the productive day you imagined you’d have. And those are just a few of the dozens of little stumbling blocks including…doing your books.

But she keeps on going.  One foot in front of the other. One helpful friend’s advice at a time. One new client at a time. One life-lesson at a time.

Her courage just blows me away, even when she can’t see it herself.
She’s my hero, and I believe in her.

Who is yours?  And what’s her story?

The second:
Knowing the story of our own work, and WHY we do what we do

This story, when written down, can be big, or it can be small, but either way it should resonate through your entire being when you consider it.

Big might include:

  • how you came to this work, and why you chose to do it
  • whose lives you hope to improve with it
  • the pains or problems or challenges you help release
  • how people are utilizing what you’ve done together to create more joy
  • the ways your work is bringing more good to a person, a community, or the world – the “more of this or less of that” hope that I talk about so often

Small might simply be revisiting an exercise like this:

I help {___description of your ideal people____}
     to  { ____do, be, change, create, etc____}
          using my {____your specific loving offerings ____}
               so they can {__how is their life better?___}.

And the third:
Knowing the good story we hope people will tell others about us

To paraphrase a recent book I read on this, you and I have never gushed to a friend or perfect stranger: “Let me tell you about this perfectly adequate experience I had recently!”

That’s obviously not going to happen, right? But what’s the opposite? What IS the story we want them to tell?

Because we all do different things, it’s hard for me to give you an example, but clues might be found by considering some of these statements (variants of thing I’ve read/heard said about my own beloved clients)  Hint: People are becoming a bit immune to “s/he (or it) ‘changed my whole life’ or similar general claims, so you’ll notice these are more specific:

  • I finally feel like I found someone who “gets” me…and doesn’t try to squeeze me into a one-size-fits-all sales funnel.
  • I only wish I hadn’t waited so long to contact her and get started—I’d like all the time back I spent spinning my wheels.
  • Future me is going to look back on this (session/project/class) and realize that a huge shift in my life started right here.
  • Do you know he sends chocolate out to everyone he works with? It’s so cool!
  • She meets with me (for a walking session, over tacos, by video from under her oak tree, any time I need her). I’ve never met anyone else who did it that way.
  • It’s funny – it feels like she’s a friend who just also happens to be my (coach, teacher, consultant, mentor, etc.) How perfect is that?
  • I never thought someone could make me actually like (your topic, action, class, etc.) But I loved it.
  • I had a lot of resistance to change. But we just sort of magically dissolved that together by (what did you do?)

This isn’t just standard testimonial fodder (though it might be nice for that purpose).  Rather, this is capturing something you do, say, or offer that’s memorable, different, and very specific. Those are the kinds of experiences and transformations that grow wings and are shared from person to person easily and swiftly.

Knowing and internalizing these three stories for your work and your business can help knit together all of those dangling parts of your work that often don’t play nice together.




Postcards to yourself from Future You: Just goofy enough for me

I had called Kaiser to make a future appointment with dermatology (keeping an eye on that skin cancer stuff) and had been on hold for, literally, a half hour when I started doodling a postcard to me from my Future Me.

She told me it was a great idea I was thinking about taking better care of my body, and finally making some use of that health insurance I pay so much for every month. It was so weird…it really didn’t feel like me. But a little like me. I was “catching it” rather than writing it myself.

I liked the feeling it gave me so much that I now do this as a regular practice.

Future Me is SO much cooler, calmer, healthier, and more prosperous than Current Me, and I want to do whatever it takes to be more like her.

Below are some examples. You could do a similar thing…just sayin’. (I do it on Photoshop and it takes me about a minute to channel what she wants to say and make a postcard for myself…Canva would work too!)




Your ideal week: What does it look like?

What does your ideal week look like?  What are its elements, and how much of each?

It seems like a pie-in-the-sky thing, I know. But I began taking it seriously a few years ago when I found myself getting to the end of every week feeling vaguely disappointed with myself and what I’d been able to accomplish with my waking minutes. The lookback at the end of the week was pretty dismal.

I might have been able to push through dozens of hours of work, but my garden had weeds and my eating habits had gone to hell sans handbasket. Or I might have been able to brave networking events, but had to work into the weekend to catch up on paperwork or writing. Or maybe I’d been able to publish something I was proud of, but my clients felt ignored and neglected by my absence into my writing cave.

The end result of several consecutive weeks of that was a mental inertia, a low mood, a self-judgment that made everything feel heavy and pointless.

In desperation, I revisited author Barbara Sher’s “ideal day” exercise one night, staying up late with my journal to envision what I wanted a typical week of work/life to look like. With nothing to lose, I scratched out a map of an ideal week, from eyes open Monday to eyes closed Sunday, trying on different ways of allocating time for things like writing/creativity, service, running my business, self-care, and having a household. It felt great. I could do this!

And then I put it away until the next time I was in the same crisis.

Repeat.  Repeat.

Finally, I learned (from several teachers, in fact) that it wasn’t enough to daydream about it. I needed to bring it to life by calendaring it and protecting it, with the same fierceness with which I defend other peoples’ needs and desires.

These are the kinds of things that landed in my calendar, and which are still there to this day:

  • Staying in contact with the people who matter to me, usually via email or phone
  • Good daily habits like food, rest, hydration, and movement (I’m not kidding – I have an imposing gray block mid-day that says REST. NOW.)
  • Dedicated time for writing & joyful creation around my work
  • Meetings and trainings and working with my clients
  • Time out in the light, usually working out in the food garden in the summer or walking in the woods in the winter (helps with sleep as well)
  • Evening hours to eat well, prep food for the next day, and give a little TLC to my home
  • Weekend time over coffee to map out the coming week in a relaxed and positive frame of mind

…You get the idea, right? My weekly calendar has these things slotted in—as non-negotiables. For example, if a friend calls and asks me to go for lunch, I don’t just see “no meetings” on my calendar and whiz off for a reuben. I have to look at my calendar and honor not only prior commitments to clients, but also honor any commitments to my current self and my future self.

Recently, Laurence McCahill of the The Happy Startup School in the UK posted this regarding his own:

Myself and my co-founder Carlos have a high-level catch up every Monday morning face-to-face to help us get in sync and plan ahead (inspired by the Rocket Fuel book)

I have calls and meetings on set days and only in the afternoons (Calendly is a lifesaver for this)

I typically coach people on Fridays, where possible outdoors (if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s not to struggle alone)

I work at home on Thursdays and use this as thinking and writing time (my goal is to write a book this year)

I make time for walking my dog, pilates and swimming as these things makes me feel good and help to prevent recurring back pain (long story)

Family always comes first so I prioritise time and activities with my kids (as Steve Blank says in this timeless post “your kids are only passing through. It will seem like forever but it will be gone in a blink of an eye”)

I deliberately make room for serendipity, particularly activities that include greenery, campfires and coffee 🙂

For many, this can seem indulgent or even selfish, but from my experience you’ll be of no use to anyone if you aren’t showing up as your best self.

What’s your ideal week?

And how can you shape it and protect it…with the same tenderness and fierceness you would use to protect other people you care about?



To gain traction with your business, develop a listening rhythm

I’m often contacted by lovely people who are worried. Their small business isn’t taking off the way they’d hoped. They’ve listened to all the business gurus’ podcasts, they’ve “followed their bliss” in creating their business, they’ve taken all the right 30 day challenges and ‘free’ webinars, and still, they can’t seem to get enough clients. (Or, sometimes, any.)

My very first client came to me as a bit of good luck: She knew of me through my former employer, and at that time there were very few people who knew how to make websites.

My second, third, and fourth clients found me in sequence solely on word of mouth: “You’ve got to meet this woman.” I had what was—at the time—an unusual way of working with people. My process was to sit down with them, either in person or by phone, and let them talk about their dreams for their work, and scribble notes furiously.

Here’s what I generally observed as common to them all:

They really believed in what they were doing, and wanted good people everywhere to know about it.

They often were besieged with self-doubts but were pulling together all their courage to get through it.

They were afraid of the technology but willing to walk its path with the right someone…someone who “got” them and wouldn’t steer them wrong.

There was no magic there. I just listened. I didn’t “listen to respond,” no matter how sure I was about what they needed. I did ask some encouraging questions about what they were hoping to create, but then I let them do most of the talking. I sat on my end of the phone with a pencil and listened, putting people at ease, just by being usual my kind, funny self.

So many folks are moving into self-employment without that vital piece of the puzzle. They speak, they offer, they assume, they try to ‘solve,’ but they often don’t make opportunities to truly listen to their people. After all, if some superguru says this is what people need, then it’s GOT to be safe for us to build an entire business around it, right? The perfect offerings, “charging what we’re worth,” and clients will simply load up our schedulers to bursting. Then we’ll be successful, build that McMansion, and all will live happily ever after.

When that doesn’t happen right away, they will turn to more webinars, podcasts, incubators, worksheets, accelerators, trying to figure out what they did wrong, seeking the magic potion everyone seems to have.

One elusive magic potion to try is asking, listening, scribing the desires of the people you most want to work with. What’s missing in their world? What might help them create a new story for themselves? What are they comfortable paying for this help, and in what forms are they most comfortable accepting it? (such as a book, class, 1-to-1 session, retreat)

Building “listening structures” into every aspect of your business is critical to growth, no matter what size business we are, but especially solo practitioners like us.

So here are some opportunities—useful whether you’re just starting or have been at this for a while—to invite a conversation, listen deeply, and craft your business offerings accordingly:

1) Don’t assume you know what people need. Ask questions.

This seems so simple, right? But I’ve been shocked at how often it’s overlooked. It seems to be part of the bravado of mainstream marketing that we aren’t encouraged to simply ask, “I would love to help more people just like you…I want to create (less of/more of) (something) in the world. What kinds of things would help you the most?” Find your ideal people and ask it on Facebook, ask it in groups, ask it in local gatherings, ask it in your website’s contact page, ask it in your newsletter.

2) Stop talking until you listen.

The business heads are all about talking: Be bold! Tell people what you offer, over and over. Tell THEM what they need (if it’s you). Create offerings at one high price point, and tell them why you’re worth it. Set up a sales funnel so you can keep talking into their email until they buy. We’ve all seen it. If these are the marketing strategies you want to use, it’s not for me to criticize. But if you inform this process by asking, listening, and personally connecting with your ideal people first, you’ll be far more likely to attract people who will be loyal to you for a long time, rather than the ones who simply have a kneejerk reaction to your razor-sharp sales pitch.

3) Ask for thoughtful feedback every time you work with someone.

The key here is to create a safe space and extract a promise they’ll be 100% candid. (Hint: Email will get more response from introverts and sensitive people) What worked well? What would’ve been more helpful? Are they closer to where they wanted to be? Were they comfortable with the investment? If I were to offer X, Y, or Z as well, would that be interesting? Ask, without pressure, in a way that’s comfortable for them.

4) Be the one who cares more.

One of the very first things I do when I sit down at my desk in the morning is write a note to someone I’ve worked with (or done a free consult with), checking in on their progress, life, happiness. Note that this comes WITHOUT a sales pitch in my heart…I find that if people are interested, they will ask or go peek at my website to see for themselves. It’s part of the cycle of my business:

I care a lot about the people who choose to work with me…they matter to me, as flesh-and-blood individual humans, not as conversions.
I tell them that, and show them that.
They know there’s someone in the world who’s beaming personal, positive thoughts at them.
As a result, they’re more likely to think of me the next time they want guidance or help.

Data and products and marketing messages are plentiful these days; genuine, non-automated caring is still quite rare.

Be the one who cares.

5) Do everything–everything–from a place of love.

Yes, I do use “the ‘L’ Word” in business, and I am unafraid. When I connect with people, I do so because I love the possibility that I’m making something better, for a person or for the world. I love people who want to grow themselves. I love people who are self-aware. I love people who work for themselves and create something new and needed.

Your ‘loves’ might be different: You might love people who want to surround themselves with beauty. Or those who are struggling to make themselves better people. Or those who are trying to make relationships joyful again.

Whatever you love, place that at the center of everything you do, from accounting to promotion to service/product creation. Put a photo of them up in your office if you need a reminder of WHY you’re learning about Facebook ads, or doing your taxes, or writing an email newsletter.

6) Put daily listening activities on your calendar or reminder system

Nothing happens if you don’t make it a priority. Schedule a block of time in each day for listening, even if it’s just 15-30 minutes. Use it to write to an individual, ask for an honest review or testimonial, or survey your mailing list and ask what they’d just love to be offered.



If you are not open to breaking out of the popular sales-funnel wisdom of talk, sell, pursue, you may still succeed in business, just by virtue of the numbers game. People do all the time, and it’s just fine.

But if you want to grow a strong following of people who are loyal to you, who keep tabs on what you offer, and who want you to succeed, it’s a worthwhile experiment to build ways to listen into your day-to-day worklife.

Try it today. Pick one person—someone in your daily life, someone who’s shown interest in what you offer, someone who’s commented on a Facebook posting—and make a space to ask them what they think, what they’re going through, what their dreams are.

Then listen, and see whether you’re actually offering what they need…or what YOU need.

It’ll transform you, and transform your work.



Image courtesy of congerdesign via Pixabay

The life-changing magic of working for ourselves

Most of us self-employed types are on a continuous learning path, gathering knowledge and skills and using them to create a better business. It’s a great way to live, but lately, I’ve been seeing that the path isn’t a line, but a loop: My business doesn’t just earn income and/or help people: It helps me to do a better job of living in this strange world.

There’s a great bit of Buddhist advice I see often in my circles: “Do not try to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist; use it to be a better whatever-you-already-are.”

In my case, “whatever-you-already-are” is a person whose vocation is to help small businesses, while trying to keep my sanity and kindness in a world that seems to be getting darker by the day.

I’ve realized that, inadvertently, I’ve been using the art, science, and practice of having a business to become a better human. With each passing day, it’s teaching me to be:


Very few of us can snap their fingers and make things happen in terms of building a business. It takes time, strategy, experimentation…and patience. Over and over again. For example, one of the best ways to get ideal-for-you clients that stick around is through word-of-mouth, one kindred spirit to another…and growing relationships that way doesn’t happen overnight.


Working for ourselves is the embodiment of getting back up when we fall down. When a product doesn’t sell, a promotion doesn’t interest people, a client doesn’t turn out to be the best one for us, we can find ourselves in the dumps, drinking warm gin straight out of the cat dish (thank you Anne Lamott). But we have to keep going. We “fail” at something, we regroup/rest, we try again. It’s the nature of self-employment.


If you had told me ten years ago that I’d be in such close contact with so many strangers every week, or that I’d be writing in public spaces completely exposed to criticism, I would’ve hidden under the bed. For, like, a year. But one tiny daring step at a time, it ceased to be so paralyzing. I’m still an introvert, but I’m capable of reaching out in ways I never thought I could.


Every day, I sit down at my desk. And every day, there is a mix of good and bad. I’m exposed to the same horrific news, questionable personalities, intractable world problems as everyone else. But as a self-bosser, I had to train myself to see good news, good people, good possibilities in order to stay in a strong and possible state of mind for my clients. And anyway, who wants to work with a pessimist?


“Kindness will prevail,” a friend likes to say. Being in the business of helping people be/do/have something better & brighter for themselves requires the ability to be compassionate, curious, and a darn good listener.


If we’re paying attention, some pretty hilarious things happen in the process of trying to survive this self-employment thing. I was once approached to do some work for a celebrity impersonator who, in the process of proving to me what a great artist he was, went through at least a dozen impressions from Kirk Douglas to Michael Jackson. From my corner, I’m never averse to using my sense of humor as a business tool…nothing de-stresses a situation like lightening up.

I don’t set out to help my clients master Small Business 101, although there was a time early in my career when my ambition was to help people become better businesspeople. That’s changed, sinking down a few layers. I now help people become better at whatever-they-already-are.

If they’re coaches, I help them be better, wiser, saner coaches by helping them find the right-for-them mix of compassion, visibility, and a joyful kind of productivity.

If they’re authors, I help them be more successful and self-confident by helping them find readers for their work, find the right support systems, and structure their day/time to have breathing room to write.

If they’re therapists, I help them find ways to use their ample intuition and empathy to promote their business in authentic, efficient ways, so they can repurpose that brain space to help more people be healthy.

Let’s Try This:

Take a quiet moment (stop laughing, you can find one). Grab a piece of paper–electronic or paper–and let’s think about your business or practice as it exists right now.

How is it helping you be a better whatever-you-already-are, or a better what-you-would-like-to-be?

Conversely, does it feel like there are ways it’s standing in the way of that? What can you do to smooth those things out?  The key to loving your work and being peacefully productive is to not be at odds with yourself, with the “you you” and the “working you” being in a perpetual cage match.

What needs to happen to connect the learning loop of your work with the learning loop of your life?




Here when you need me

I help people who choose self-employment to become more peaceful, purposeful, and profitable through my writing, teaching, tools, and individual mentoring, so they can completely love the work and life they’ve chosen. There’s something for everyone, no matter their budget, so if you could use a little boost from someone who cares, have a peek at what I offer.

Image by congerdesign via Pixabay

The myth of competition: What’s your “Only”?

Do we, as super-small businesses, actually have “competitors”? Debate still simmers over this in some circles. Let’s chat.

Traditional business-guru advice warned us for decades that we needed to strive for a clear advantage over our competitors. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, they warned (and where EVER did that expression come from btw???) and we needed to invest a lot of time, energy and brainpower into ‘beating out the competition.’

Things have changed, and we’re now seeing that competition — while still a reality if you’re mass-marketing a laundry soap with exactly the same formula, branding, and target market as another — really isn’t as much of a “thing” for thoughtful businesses like ours.

For example, say we’re offering life coaching. Sure, there are a lot of people who’ve hung out a shingle for that. That makes for a great big haystack for people to search, in which you hope they’ll find your shiny needle, right? How do you stand out in that massive crowd, and find the people who need you?

Here’s the thing: The reach of social media and online tools have given us the gift of almost limitless ability to find Our People. We don’t need to appeal to everyone. We only need to reach the people who need what we offer and—even more important—resonate with the way we work.

Unless you’re trying to become a thought leader with a million people on your mailing list, you already have the power to attract more than enough people who “click” with your style, your heart, and your combination of offerings to make your business successful. One Facebook ad can reach thousands of perfect people for $10.00.

If we take tender care of the relationships we establish with readers/clients, we can build our followers & fans one by one, each beautiful experience bearing fruit in the form of glowing reviews, repeat visits, and top-of-mind referrals in their social circles. This, in my opinion, is the best way to grow a business: One fan at a time, nurtured by your genuine caring and thoughtfulness.

So in terms of competition…even if there are 20 website designers or acupuncturists or spiritual mediums or soapmakers on your block, you can easily find ways to keep your business thriving, just by a) being kind & trustworthy, and b) being clear about what makes you different from the other 19.

Being kind and trustworthy? Yeah, sorry, that’s part of the deal. We’re afloat in the noisy, indifferent ovewhelm all around us. The things that stand out in sharp relief are when people give a damn about us, and when they keep their word to us (hello Facebook?).

As for that second part: Remember all those branding exercises we’ve been subjected to as we listened to endless podcasts and attended all those ‘free’ webinars? For those who’ve escaped that fate, it’s some variation on these pieces:

With my business/work, I help ____________________ (your ideal person)

to do/be/have _______________________ (the improvement or benefit to them)

through my ______________________ (the products & services you’ve created to help)

Is that ringing a bell?

I always have to remind my coaching clients to also add this part, though:

I’m one of the only ________________ (however you describe yourself)

who _______________________ (what makes you unique).


“With my work, I teach Reiki practitioners to bring balance and mental/physical health to a hectic world, through my 1-to-1 coaching and workshops. I’m one of the few teachers who provides a free private Facebook group so members of my community can help and support one another.”

And more “onlys”:

“I’m the rare business coach who doesn’t resort to spammy, automated marketing to reach out and keep in touch with people.”

“I’m the only personal trainer in (your town) that also makes house calls, even offering weekend and evening sessions.”

“I’m the only executive consultant who offers ‘Coaching Walks’ to explore ideas that thrive in the fresh air of nature.”

“We’re the only bookstore around that has both new and used books AND a cozy espresso bar, serving coffee drinks made with our own freshly-ground beans.”

“I’m the only holistic health practitioner with an in-house laboratory for quicker results and faster diagnoses.”

What’s your “only”? If you don’t know what it is or don’t feel you have one of your own yet, then it’s time to create it. I’m always happy to help you discover that of course, but here are some thought-starters:

What bugs you about other practitioners and businesses who are similar to you? If it bugs customers too, think about how you can fix it and use that as your ‘only.’

Is there a specialty you have, or can envision developing, as a part (or all) of what you do? Can you specialize in helping the apprehensive, the non-technical, the ridiculously busy, the do-it-yourselfer? Grocery stores, for example, are doing a booming business with pickup orders to serve the too-busy-to-shop people.

If you can, ask people who’ll give you an honest answer why they didn’t work with you, or ask honest acquaintances to look at your services/prices and come up with at least one apprehension they might have (cost, length of a program, wait times for delivery, not enough options, other worries). Can you solve it, or can you offer other things in other price ranges/options that would allow more people to see what it’s like working with you?

Look at reviews online of similar businesses, and see where customers are wishing they’d offered more. Online reviews can be a challenge, but they can give clues to peoples’ sensitivities and wishes. Offer what others seem to be missing and tell people about it.

Can you create a narrower audience for a specific service or offering? For example, a designer might create a special package just for nonprofits that work with kids, a yoga studio might offer a class just for guys who aren’t very bendy, or a consultant might offer graduates of the local small business association’s classes a special package for new startups and become the go-to person in the community.

Is there something daring and value-added you can add to your products/services that helps people? Chocolate, a free Q&A session, a group to help them implement what they received from you?

If you have some ideas already, go to Facebook and explore whether they have a way to target the audience your offering is meant for. Those ubiquitous blue buttons encouraging you to “Boost” any post? Click one to play — be sure Cancel Ad when you’re done! — and just type a few things into the “Detailed Targeting” portion of the boost specifications (at the bottom). Start typing a few things to see if you’re able to target a specialized audience perfect for a particular offer or article or video of yours:

Give these things a try, and see if you can find an a-ha about your “Only.”

Because once you do, you most definitely have no competition, and can simply focus on doing the work you love, promoting it to the right-for-you audiences, and finding your unique and heartfelt niche from which to serve.

And the debate is over.


Come spend an hour with me

See what it feels like to be with someone who genuinely cares about your work, and who will help you get peaceful, purposeful and profitable. I do private sessions at alarmingly reasonable rates so that I can see lots and lots of amazing people doing amazing things…it does my heart so much good in these times. See some options here.