“And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.”
(J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye)

Audra is a friend of mine (in real life, but not her real name) who needs you. She’s retired, active in the community, and intelligent, but spends most days coping with a soul-depression that’s almost completely crippling. Just what is the point? she whispers to me over her coffee cup.

There’s also Marcus, who’s trying to run a small woodworking business, teaching people how to build their own soulful, beautiful objects. He needs you too. He’s a gentle man, but is so angry and scared so much of the time that he’s frightening away potential students with some of the things that come out of his mouth.

And then there’s my former co-worker Kim, who was always everyone’s favorite refreshingly free spirit, the gauzy-dress-eagle-feather type. She feels completely lost in her own life, as though she doesn’t even know herself anymore. She sits in front of the TV every evening with haunted eyes, unable to pull them away from what’s unfolding on CNN.

These are people who all suffer from the same affliction: Being alive in these confusing, frightening, frustrating times.

For just a mindful moment—then we’ll wash it clean with a deep breath together—let’s take a 1000-foot view of the times we live in right now. We see things like mass killings. Incomprehensible hatred. Incontrovertible scientific data shows our climate adjusting to human activity in ways that, far sooner than predicted, is going to make it very difficult for all manner of living things. Toxic buildup in our air/land/water is suspected of causing insidious disease and even mental illness. Slow-moving social and environmental catastrophes beget poverty and violence and desperate migration. We grow thick skins and huddle together in polarized social tribes.

Let’s not even talk about Twitter.

Okay. Breathe now.
Close your eyes, take in a deep breath to a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, then slowly release it for a count of 8. Be here with me again.

Hi.

Most of us in this community are sensitive people. We don’t just see all of this, we feel it in our spines, our shoulders, our solar plexus. When we allow ourselves, it all feels so heavy and dark.

Strangely, wondrously, I have one singular thought every morning when I pull on my bunny slippers: Thank heavens for all of you.

In this troubled world, those of us who work for ourselves in helping professions are like a human chain on the edge of J.D. Salinger’s crazy cliff. Our hands are linked tightly, one to the next, to help keep as many good people as possible from falling off the edge.

We try to be brave, and try not to peek at the drop-off behind us.

We are coaches (of businesses and lives). Consultants sharing what we’ve learned. Healing practitioners of all kinds. Authors. Guides. Specialists in alternative healthcare. Counselors. Journal/poetry therapists. Teachers of writing, yoga, art, music, dance. Creators of beauty. All of us, creating work that solves one small piece of a larger life-puzzle or, more likely, just helps people stay on their feet, and stay clear and loving and healthy.

People like us—people who help other people—matter more than they ever have in human history. The stakes now are astronomically high.

If you’ve never thought of your work in this way, let me assure you this is true:

• Maybe you’re helping people navigate their difficult life-transitions in ways that are strengthening and freeing. In addition to life’s normal burdens, coming to grips with the mess we’re in and adapting to it is a huge transition.
• It could be you’re working with kids, helping them be calm, think critically and be more self aware, so they know where the cliffs are and how to avoid them. (The strong, thoughtful children of this generation are largely going to be the people creating innovative solutions to the problems created by the last generation…)
• Maybe you’re teaching people to see through the games played by the “food industry” to make better choices about what they put in their body. Pills and surgeries avoided. Bankruptcies due to health catastrophes averted. Lives bettered.
• If you’re helping people to create livelihoods/businesses, you’re helping them be more resilient and giving them a reason to keep going even on the bad-news days.
• Body workers and energy healers of all kinds are helping all of us draw on our body wisdom, our inner resources and strengths, to just keep going forward and doing what we can.
• Or you may just be creating your art—or living your life—in ways that refuse to dabble in the petty, the divisive, and the sensational, and you’re sharing that with others. They see. And in that way, they know there’s an alternative to the noise and the silos we’ve created.

 If there’s one thing I could tell you to send you into the coming week, it’s this: We’re all in a uniquely powerful position, not necessarily to save the world (though that’s still possible) but to change the experience of the people who are in it, so they have the perseverance to live their lives with more grace, grit, and resilience.

We may or may not have the power to turn back the clock and return to a time when our gut doesn’t clench each time the news is on.

But we all have the power to look at our work as resilience-building—helping good humans everywhere to become smarter, saner, healthier, and prepared mentally and physically for whatever comes next.

Blessings to all of you, for all that you do. Have a great week.

When folks see me on video conferences or workshops, they often assume I’m an extrovert. That’s far from the truth. Away from the public eye, I prefer to be alone, deep into a book about Pablo Neruda, in the garden harassing the weeds, or out in the woods with my cheek pressed against a ponderosa pine. (Did you know they smell like vanilla?)

I know and love many clients who are also introverted. Our way of living can be tough when it comes to marketing our businesses. For many of us, marketing feels exhausting, risky, and exposed…and most of the methods advocated today feel artificial and fake.

So let’s talk a bit about how to do this important work in an honest, introvert-friendly way:

0) Figure out how you’ll recharge from any outreach efforts you decide to do.

The wonderful business coach George Kao often pre-schedules in naps/rests between certain tasks because he knows they’ll be tiring for him. He gets a reset before moving on to something else. The first time I heard this, I saw two thoughts flash quickly through my body: 1) holy cow, who has time for naps? and 2) I should just be strong enough to do this without needing a rest afterwards.

I was so wrong on both counts. Marketing-ish tasks can be incredibly taxing for introverts. We reach out our arms and say, “Here I am, here’s how I can help,” and hold our breath to see how many walk toward us, how many walk away. Draining.

Step zero is allowing that: This is hard for people like us. It’s okay.  Give it the importance it deserves, and physically carve out time for it, just as you would for a loved one who needed you.  Find a handful of actions you can take to recharge—this is going to be very personal: Napping, meditation, cooking, running around with the dog, picking up a book for a half-hour, shoveling snow, planting crocuses…I have 15-minute recharges and 30-minute/60-minute as well.

Find yours, and schedule them in like George does. I promise you will not regret this.

1. Reach out to your people, and don’t worry as much about the others.

A lot of you reading this have worked with me to identify the people who are the best fit for you and your work. When you’ve identified the person or people you most want to serve, you’ll start to notice that some clients and readers will be closer to the mark than others. In fact, there will always be people who don’t get us, and that can create an inner nag: What if they don’t understand? What if they’re not into my work? Should I be trying to “win them over”?

The answers, in order, are “that’s okay,” “that too is okay,” and “no.”  We’re conditioned by the media to shape ourselves so we’re the right choice for everyone. In marketing, this IS important if you want to be one of those people with a gazillion casual fans you need to corral to fund your next Lamborghini…you must bend the rules of integrity to reach them all. But for most of us, that’s just not the case. We want to do solid work, make a difference, reach the people we’re uniquely suited to serve, and make a nice livelihood from it.

So write to your people. Create products and services for them. Reach out to them and make friends. Devote 90% of your energy to those who are in your perfect circle. Is it hard to leave the others to their own devices and focus on your tribe?  Sure. We’re sensitive, caring people. But it’s worth it on every level.

2. Use “scheduling by energy” as your superpower.

There’s a certain amount of public connection that has to happen to stay in touch with your proper folks and be part of their lives. Yet, if people like us spend a ton of time on social media or publishing posts or what have you, it can suck the energy out of us so fast it makes our heads spin.

I don’t know about all of you, but I pay attention to the ebb and flow of high-energy and low-energy times. In the latter, any writing or sharing or being in contact feels like a forced march, exhausting rather than energizing. Instead, I use the high-energy, high-creativity times to produce and pre-schedule things, even if I have to wipe my calendar to take advantage of a sudden crackle of energy.

For example, this article was written during a high-energy burst, along with two others, a Facebook post, and the first draft of a newsletter. I DID have to postpone a planned lunch to the next day and watch the recording of a workshop instead of being there live. But it was a more than positive trade-off.

You can schedule posts in WordPress and social media to release on the date you’d like them to publish (I know…this is a “pay no attention to that wo/man behind the curtain” moment…)  Exception: On my Sunday Coffee newsletters, I do make sure I’m with them on the Sunday they’re sent, otherwise it wouldn’t be coffee, would it? I need to make sure each one goes out with a certain number of coffee molecules or it’s doesn’t count.

In a high-energy moment right now and feeling creative? Cancel whatever’s coming up in the next couple of hours, even if it’s not socially/politically correct, and seize it for the work you love.

3. Embrace the beautiful, dangerous power of being completely yourself.

People who read me know that I’ve been doing this more and more as the years pass. I simply don’t have the time or energy any more to edit my Self to  be the pinnacle of mainstream professionalism. I am me, writing from the yellow room, the dog on my feet, and a disturbing lack of lipstick. For the wrong people, this will be uncomfortable. But for others, it gives them a sigh of relief, because they know I’m just me-the-person, not me-the-lofty-expert or me-who-all-should-aspire-to-be.

So my people and I just talk. And become more like friends (or don’t). We learn from each other, in a climate of relaxed candor. And all of our businesses grow.

Dare to share more of yourself. Not every teensy detail, and not constantly; our communications should always be more about “them” then “us.”  But do try to trust that you can be daringly you in your communications, in a genuine and unpracticed way, and the right people will be more likely to gravitate to you.

4. Know your three stories and practice sharing/writing/saying them.

In my post Do you know the three stories crucial to successfully growing your business? I talk about our three core stories: Your client’s, yours, and the story that you create together and that radiates out from your relationship with them. One of the things I do to make my internal stories external is practicing these until they flow out of my mouth as naturally as my own name.

Practicing these stories, like practicing a new language, makes it all flow more naturally. It is—I believe—a way we can more easily move through life as introverts. If we don’t have to complex over talking about ourselves, struggle to remember “the right things to say,” it’s a friction point we’ve avoided. This frees us up to be present and calm and use those brain cells for something a lot more useful.

I do this by building my personal story practice into work processes as much as I can. I have a little calendar reminder to revisit/review any public places I tell people about myself, like my bio pages on websites and social media. I write about my priorities and intentions before I have any coaching sessions or workshops. I have a close inner circle that I trust to give me feedback on it all as well. Practice makes personal.

5. Carefully choose the modes of outreach where you “extrovert,” and keep their number as small as you like.

Do you do well at writing, but cringe at public speaking?  Are you better at in-person work than work with online strangers?  Do you hate Facebook, but like the visual nature of Instagram?  Does the thought of being on video make you freak out?

News flash: You DON’T have to force yourself to do them all. It is not fatal to not be an expert at everything. Your business can be perfectly healthy if you just pick one or two ways to reach out and are very consistent with it. You can choose the one or two activities (such as writing a monthly newsletter and giving a weekly talk) that most closely match how you want to interact with the world. You can be warm and kind and helpful there, and become stronger and more confident. You may not get that Lamborghini, but you will be less stressed and likely much more effective as a result.

And, fringe benefit?  It’s likely that, as you become more adept and practiced being in those one or two areas, you will be called to push your boundaries a little bit and try another mode or channel (such as writing Medium articles, or easy Facebook outreach) just to keep your growing edge, er, growing.

In short, it doesn’t have to be hard.

You can rest when you’re tired, work with your energy, be yourself, practice your stories, and carefully focus your time online…and still feel needed, seen, and successful. Running a business as an introvert doesn’t mean we need to get used to exhaustion, risk, and icky feelings.

We just need to do things our way.

Let’s.

There are three stories that drive my whole business. Every part of it, from website content, to the classes I offer, all the way to organizing my computer and even remembering to do my accounting (seriously!) hinges on these three stories.

Over my 20 years of doing this, I’ve noticed that the people who’ve taken time to articulate these stories—even just in their journals—tend to steadily grow, stay on track, and suffer less frustration in their working lives. Below are these three stories, and I’ll put the most important one first.

Can you relate? (Want to practice? Email me your stories, or lack of them, because I am a story nerd and love to talk about it 🙂

The first:
Knowing the story of the person out there we’ve shown up to help…and who we’re uniquely ABLE to help.

The person who most needs what you offer has a story. S/he’s on a particular quest—whether it’s articulated like that or not—and knowing what it IS is the first step toward being able to establish a warm relationship with her.

I’ll tell you how I feel about my own, as an example to jump off from.

She’s always with me.

She’s had the guts to decide to work for herself rather than work for others. She’s not just after the benefits of self-employment: Creative expression, self-determination, autonomy, flexibility, income etc. She also craves the chance to shape her business to the needs of a higher purpose, bigger than just boosting the bottom line of a big organization with her skills and gifts.

Of course, she’s bumped up against all the obstacles we’ve faced too: It’s hard work to get started. It’s not easy getting a steady stream of clients. Marketing can be a mystery. Everyone wants to sell you some expensive miracle cure for whatever ails your business. Suddenly, 24 hours is too few to pull off the productive day you imagined you’d have. And those are just a few of the dozens of little stumbling blocks including…doing your books.

But she keeps on going.  One foot in front of the other. One helpful friend’s advice at a time. One new client at a time. One life-lesson at a time.

Her courage just blows me away, even when she can’t see it herself.
She’s my hero, and I believe in her.

Who is yours?  And what’s her story?

The second:
Knowing the story of our own work, and WHY we do what we do

This story, when written down, can be big, or it can be small, but either way it should resonate through your entire being when you consider it.

Big might include:

• how you came to this work, and why you chose to do it
• whose lives you hope to improve with it
• the pains or problems or challenges you help release
• how people are utilizing what you’ve done together to create more joy
• the ways your work is bringing more good to a person, a community, or the world – the “more of this or less of that” hope that I talk about so often

Small might simply be revisiting an exercise like this:

I help {___description of your ideal people____}
     to  { ____do, be, change, create, etc____}
          using my {____your specific loving offerings ____}
               so they can {__how is their life better?___}.

And the third:
Knowing the good story we hope people will tell others about us

To paraphrase a recent book I read on this, you and I have never gushed to a friend or perfect stranger: “Let me tell you about this perfectly adequate experience I had recently!”

That’s obviously not going to happen, right? But what’s the opposite? What IS the story we want them to tell?

Because we all do different things, it’s hard for me to give you an example, but clues might be found by considering some of these statements (variants of thing I’ve read/heard said about my own beloved clients)  Hint: People are becoming a bit immune to “s/he (or it) ‘changed my whole life’ or similar general claims, so you’ll notice these are more specific:

• I finally feel like I found someone who “gets” me…and doesn’t try to squeeze me into a one-size-fits-all sales funnel.
• I only wish I hadn’t waited so long to contact her and get started—I’d like all the time back I spent spinning my wheels.
• Future me is going to look back on this (session/project/class) and realize that a huge shift in my life started right here.
• Do you know he sends chocolate out to everyone he works with? It’s so cool!
• She meets with me (for a walking session, over tacos, by video from under her oak tree, any time I need her). I’ve never met anyone else who did it that way.
• It’s funny – it feels like she’s a friend who just also happens to be my (coach, teacher, consultant, mentor, etc.) How perfect is that?
• I never thought someone could make me actually like (your topic, action, class, etc.) But I loved it.
• I had a lot of resistance to change. But we just sort of magically dissolved that together by (what did you do?)

This isn’t just standard testimonial fodder (though it might be nice for that purpose).  Rather, this is capturing something you do, say, or offer that’s memorable, different, and very specific. Those are the kinds of experiences and transformations that grow wings and are shared from person to person easily and swiftly.

Knowing and internalizing these three stories for your work and your business can help knit together all of those dangling parts of your work that often don’t play nice together.

Love,

Margaret